![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
It's 10:30 at night and I've decided to make a blog (again)! After reading Miss Potter's blog entries about her medical elective experience at Oxford, I was inspired by the idea of recording memories in the form of a blog! It's easier than handwriting (though it's less traditional and personal) but it gets the job done. We'll see how far I go with this.
Anyways, here goes. From now I shall refer to you as friend. Because that's cliche and how it's supposed to be done.
Dear Friend,
I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking of what you ask? Well, many things is the least I can say. I found myself in a very sad and lonely place for the past few months. I felt like after my breakup, I wasn't worth much, I didn't have many close friends, didn't have meaningful relationships with my family members, still did not know God very well, and I felt lonely more than anything. I think things started getting better when I called my sister. Finally found a way to call her from Australia - through purchasing Skype credit! Can't believe I didn't think of this earlier but oh well, better late than never hey? My sister, doesn't matter if it be in the form of her writing, or her voice, she always encouraged me to pray. Pray to God in a way that I talk to my friends. And so I did. I prayed more. I knelt infront of Mary's statue at church, I'd pray whenever I felt I needed God to hear something. "Oh God, I feel very lonely and sad. If this is my cross to bear, then I will bear it everytime, until you think I am ready to move on." I prayed to be happier, to have more meaningful relationships in life and view things positively. One day at church, I realised something very important. Perhaps the most important lesson in my life so far. It's okay to not be attached right now, eventhough all my friends seem to be getting into relationships the moment I had mine broken, it's okay. And it's okay to be lonely. Instead of being sad over being single, I should use this period to improve other aspects of my life. There is so much more than just dating. I can improve my relationships with friends, family, God, and also myself. Until I improve all these aspects of my life, I will be a happy single person. And when God deems me ready and mature enough, I am sure I will cross paths with that special someone. And so with this in mind, I made an effort to talk more to my friends. Whether it be the small random talks I have in the kitchen, or chatting in the dining hall, or sharing things with friends like my roast chicken to Vivien and Adeline, or just spending time with friends over dinner at CHat Thai, I tried more. I learnt that friendships depend not just on your friend, but also how much effort you put into that friendship. In hindsight, this seems obvious, but I am glad I recently recognised this. I also started making an effort talking to my parents more in the Whatsapp group and also when I Skype them. I always try to put on a smile and tell them funny stories. I also called my sister. A good piece of advice she gave me was that I should ask God what he wants from me. Surrender to his will. So I have been praying "what kind of doctor do you want me to be God? I will obey". My sister said I will be so happy one day, it's just that I have to know what God wants of me and pursue it. I agree with her. I wouldn't be in Medicine if it weren't for Him. She goes on to say that becoming a doctor is a calling. Very much like when she was called to the religious life, medicine is my calling. I am so glad I have my sister. Eventhough we are very far apart, I feel we've never been closer. I love you kak. I could never have asked for a better, more caring, and smart sister.
On another note, I really do hope I get into Oxford Medical Elective next year. or in early 2019. I have been praying every night. The only other people who knows I applied for it are my mom and sister. And they are both praying for me. My marks aren't very high but I put so much time and effort into my application. I hope the panel can see through my writing and recognise my desire and ambition to study at Oxford. What an experience it would be! Spending 4 weeks at the number 1 medical school in the world, and exploring Oxford! I can probably visit my sister too which is a big plus! Miss Potter seemed like she had such a wonderful time there during her elective many years ago, and reading her blog makes me want to go that much more! It will be during winter as well which would make it even more magical. I know my parents would be so proud of me if I manage to get in, and I really do want to surprise my dad (hence why I decided not to tell him). 24 more days at most until I find out if I am accepted into Oxford. They said they would let applicants know towards the end of November. Fingers crossed friend! I relish the prospect of learning from experts in their field, make new friends from UK and around the world, experience a different culture, and just travelling to new places! Sounds cliche but I feel like I need to travel in order to "find myself". Life has so much to offer, and I am just beginning to realise this fact.
Anyways, here goes. From now I shall refer to you as friend. Because that's cliche and how it's supposed to be done.
Dear Friend,
I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking of what you ask? Well, many things is the least I can say. I found myself in a very sad and lonely place for the past few months. I felt like after my breakup, I wasn't worth much, I didn't have many close friends, didn't have meaningful relationships with my family members, still did not know God very well, and I felt lonely more than anything. I think things started getting better when I called my sister. Finally found a way to call her from Australia - through purchasing Skype credit! Can't believe I didn't think of this earlier but oh well, better late than never hey? My sister, doesn't matter if it be in the form of her writing, or her voice, she always encouraged me to pray. Pray to God in a way that I talk to my friends. And so I did. I prayed more. I knelt infront of Mary's statue at church, I'd pray whenever I felt I needed God to hear something. "Oh God, I feel very lonely and sad. If this is my cross to bear, then I will bear it everytime, until you think I am ready to move on." I prayed to be happier, to have more meaningful relationships in life and view things positively. One day at church, I realised something very important. Perhaps the most important lesson in my life so far. It's okay to not be attached right now, eventhough all my friends seem to be getting into relationships the moment I had mine broken, it's okay. And it's okay to be lonely. Instead of being sad over being single, I should use this period to improve other aspects of my life. There is so much more than just dating. I can improve my relationships with friends, family, God, and also myself. Until I improve all these aspects of my life, I will be a happy single person. And when God deems me ready and mature enough, I am sure I will cross paths with that special someone. And so with this in mind, I made an effort to talk more to my friends. Whether it be the small random talks I have in the kitchen, or chatting in the dining hall, or sharing things with friends like my roast chicken to Vivien and Adeline, or just spending time with friends over dinner at CHat Thai, I tried more. I learnt that friendships depend not just on your friend, but also how much effort you put into that friendship. In hindsight, this seems obvious, but I am glad I recently recognised this. I also started making an effort talking to my parents more in the Whatsapp group and also when I Skype them. I always try to put on a smile and tell them funny stories. I also called my sister. A good piece of advice she gave me was that I should ask God what he wants from me. Surrender to his will. So I have been praying "what kind of doctor do you want me to be God? I will obey". My sister said I will be so happy one day, it's just that I have to know what God wants of me and pursue it. I agree with her. I wouldn't be in Medicine if it weren't for Him. She goes on to say that becoming a doctor is a calling. Very much like when she was called to the religious life, medicine is my calling. I am so glad I have my sister. Eventhough we are very far apart, I feel we've never been closer. I love you kak. I could never have asked for a better, more caring, and smart sister.
On another note, I really do hope I get into Oxford Medical Elective next year. or in early 2019. I have been praying every night. The only other people who knows I applied for it are my mom and sister. And they are both praying for me. My marks aren't very high but I put so much time and effort into my application. I hope the panel can see through my writing and recognise my desire and ambition to study at Oxford. What an experience it would be! Spending 4 weeks at the number 1 medical school in the world, and exploring Oxford! I can probably visit my sister too which is a big plus! Miss Potter seemed like she had such a wonderful time there during her elective many years ago, and reading her blog makes me want to go that much more! It will be during winter as well which would make it even more magical. I know my parents would be so proud of me if I manage to get in, and I really do want to surprise my dad (hence why I decided not to tell him). 24 more days at most until I find out if I am accepted into Oxford. They said they would let applicants know towards the end of November. Fingers crossed friend! I relish the prospect of learning from experts in their field, make new friends from UK and around the world, experience a different culture, and just travelling to new places! Sounds cliche but I feel like I need to travel in order to "find myself". Life has so much to offer, and I am just beginning to realise this fact.
